One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage.

She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?

"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.

"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher.

"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!

A man was prescribed Viagra by his doctor who told him to take it one hour before sex.

The man collected his prescription and went home to wait for his wife to get in from work. An hour before she was due home, he took the Viagra pill. But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she wouldn't be in for another two and a half hours. In a panic, he phoned the doctor.

"What should I do?" he asked. "I've taken the pill, but the effects will have worn off by the time my wife gets home."

"I see," said the doctor. "It is a pity to waste it. Do yoiu have a maid?"

"Yes."

"Well, could you not occupy yourself with her instead?"

"But I don't need Viagra with the maid."

An Irish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blistery day, the daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."

The mother replied, "Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold.''

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.

He said, "My nose is cold."

The girl replied, "Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up."

He did and warmed his nose. The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."

The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she asks her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"

Concerned the mother said, "Why? Yes...... Why do you ask?"

The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

A 93-year-old man lived in a rest home but had a weekend pass to visit town. One Saturday night he went into a bar ant met a 70-year-old woman. They got chatting and ended up back at her apartment where they go it together.

Five days later, he noticed he was developing a drip so he went to see his doctor.

"Have you engaged in sex recently?"asked the doctor.

"As a matter of fact I have," said the old man.

"Can you remember the name of the woman and where she lives?"

"Yes, I can. Why?"br>
"Well, you'd better get over there - you're about to come!"

A young Protestant couple wanted to convert to Catholicism but the priest told them that, in order to prove their sincerity, they would first have to perform an act of penance. He told them they had to abstain from making love for 30 days.

Thirty days later the husband called on the priest.

"How did it go?" asked the priest.

"Well, Father, for 29 days it was fine. But then on the 30th day I saw her standing over the freezer and I just couldn't help myself."

"Then I'm sorry," said the priest, "but I can't allow you into the Catholic Church."

"That's Ok," said the husband, "They won't allow me into the supermarket any more either."

Santa went on a night out with his friends. The wife is furious and tells the kids that when he comes back they must not open the door for him.

At about midnight, Santa comes back and knocks.

Jeeto tells him, "Go back and sleep where you are coming from."

And Santa answered, "I'm not here to sleep, I'm here to collect condoms in my room on top of the table or give it to me through the window, there are lots of women at the party!"

Jeeto opened the door and said, "Idiot, you're not going anywhere. Get into the house!"

Santa went on a night out with his friends. The wife is furious and tells the kids that when he comes back they must not open the door for him.

At about midnight, Santa comes back and knocks.

Jeeto tells him, "Go back and sleep where you are coming from."

And Santa answered, "I'm not here to sleep, I'm here to collect condoms in my room on top of the table or give it to me through the window, there are lots of women at the party!"

Jeeto opened the door and said, "Idiot, you're not going anywhere. Get into the house!"

In a Bar an American, an Italian, a Turki and an Indian (Santa) met.

American: "I'm Proud of our CIA, they know whatever is happening in the world, often before it happens."

Italian: "I'm proud pf our women, they're the most beautiful and not easy to be had."

Turki: "I'm proud of our carpets, true works of art. No one can make carpets of such high quality."

Then they all looked at the silent Santa, waiting for his response.

They asked: "What are you proud of?"

Santa: "I'm proud of myself!"

They all asked: "Why?"

Santa: "Yesterday I screwed an Italian woman on a Turkish carpet and the CIA knew nothing about it."

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.

"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "But I guess it is impossible."

"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."

"You must tell me what you did."

"I went to a faith healer."

"But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."

The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dearie."

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size as they were too loose & floppy. She insisted that the surgery be kept a secret.

Awakening after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality & that the first rose was from him.

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery"

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."