Three guys, Father, Son and Grandfather, go out to play a round of golf. Just before the son is ready to tee off, a gorgeous looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says her partner didn't show and asks if she can join them. The guys, all stunned by her beauty, have no problem with this.
The lady turns to the three of them and says, "I don't care what the three of you do; cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don't try to coach me on my game."
The guys agree and ask if she would like to tee off first. All eyes are strategically focused on her as her skirt rides up when she bends over to tee up the ball. She then proceeds to knock the ball right up the middle for about 275 yards. She continues to play a perfect round and pars every hole. They get to the 18th green and she has a 12-foot "bender' putt for par.
She turns around and says, "You guys have done a great job at not coaching me on my game. I've never shot par before and I really want to make this putt, so I'm going to ask each of you for your advice. Whoever gives me the advice that helps me sink this putt will get a best 'BLOW JOB' of his life."
The kid walks over, eyes the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt 6 inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left and fall right into the cup."
The father walks up and says, "Don't listen to the kid, you need to aim 12 inches to the right and the ball will break left and drop right in."
The Grandpa looks at both of them, walks over and picks up the ball, dropping it into the cup.
One night the old soldier gradually woke up stiff as a plank in the hospital's ICU, tubes up his nose and down his throat, wires monitoring every function all around his head, with a hell of a pain over his left ear and a drop dead gorgeous nurse hovering over him. It was obvious he'd been in a serious accident.
She looked deep & steadily into his eyes and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
He managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"
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A hotel holds three weddings on the same day and at the end of the night the three grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events over a couple of night-caps.
One questions the other two, "Look it's our wedding night and I was wondering how many times are we expected to... um... you know.... do it!"
The other two look blankly at him, then they all delve into a conversation about whether the usual once is enough, or should they go for twice, as its a special occasion! Anyway they decide to retire to their respective wives and see how the night goes, with the idea that over breakfast they'll discuss what went on.
Suddenly one of the grooms pipes up, "Hold on fellas, we can't discuss our first night marital goings on over the breakfast table with our wives sitting with us."
"No you're right, what we'll do then, for every piece of toast you order with your breakfast, that's how many times you did it," offers another groom.
They all decide it's an excellent idea and depart.
The next morning in the hotel dining room where they have met forbreakfast, they are all looking a bit dishevelled, especially the wives with the hairstyles (develish) known as the 'Just Been Screwed Look.'
The waitress comes up to the first groom to take his order, "Yes I'll have the full English breakfast with Three pieces of toast please."
The other two grooms smile at him and raise a glass of fresh orange in a toast to his prowess.
The waitress moves to the second couple, and the groom orders, "I shall also have the full English breakfast but could I have Four pieces of toast."
The other two grooms turn making pistols from their fingers and shoot the Four shooter groom.
The waitress gets to the last groom, "I also shall have the full English breakfast please, yet I shall have..." he takes a deep breath and surveys the room, "Seven, yes Seven pieces of toast," he calls out for everyone's benefit whilst giving a big cheesy grin to his two wedding buddies, who stare at him while rubbing their privates thinking how raw their friend must be.
"Seven pieces of toast sir?" queries the waitress "why that's an awful lot."
"Yes indeed young lady, seven pieces of toast it is."
She writes down his order then turns away, but before she leaves the seven times a night groom calls after her again.
Our main character Kevin is a 25 year old aspiring author who lives in a simple apartment with a comfy couch, small kitchenette, and a bed he in sleeps in alone. His monthly income is just enough to put food on his plate, keep the lights and water going and he only pays half his rent on time. All his half payments together add up to 6 months of rent missing. A full 3 months more then what his land lord the sexy, yet evil Rebecca allows for a grace period.
A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight. They start eying each other, and both realize they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted.
"Rear toilet?" He suggests. "Five minutes?"
She agrees and goes off.
He waits five minutes, then goes and slips in there with her. Right, get that condom on, she says. Soon, they are both sighing with pleasure.
But a sharp eyed stewardess has noticed them, and realized what they are up to, So, she humiliates them by making an announcement over the PA system.
"To the lady and gentleman in the rear toilet, we know what you are doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now, please put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector."
And what were you thinking? I worry about you sometimes!