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The Insemination Man

Maggie, a blonde city girl, marries a dairy farmer.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Maggie, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

So then the farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Maggie takes him down to the barn.

They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one... right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple, by the nail over its stall," Maggie explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, "To hang your trousers on."

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Regular Coffee Please

A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself.

Soon, the waitress came over to take his order, "...and to drink?" she asked.

The man said he would like coffee. The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man's lap when she stopped at the table.

"Oh my God; I am so sorry!!!"

"That's OK," the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin. "But tell me, was this regular or decaf?"

"Regular," she replied.

"Oh great, now this thing is going to be up all night..."

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You Won't Respect Me!

A young man is on a date with a young woman and they go parking. After some heavy petting the young man asks the young woman for oral sex.

"No", says the young woman, "you won't respect me."

So the young man is content to wait. After they had been dating a few months, the young man again asks the young woman for oral sex. Again she replies, "No, you won't respect me."

Eventually the two get married and the husband asks his bride, "Honey, please, we're married now. You know I love you and respect you. Can I please have oral sex?"

"No,, she says "I just know that if I do that, you won't respect me."

So the man waits. And waits... And waits.... After 20 years of marriage the man says, "Honey, we've been together 20 wonderful years now. We've raised three beautiful kids. You KNOW that I love you and respect you completely. How about oral sex, just once. Please....!"

So the wife finally gives in to her husband's wish and performs oral sex on him. After she is done they are lying in bed relaxing and the telephone rings.

The husband turns to his wife and says, "Answer that you cocksucker...!"